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Why Narcissistic Families Turn Children into Emotional Spouses
Andrew McLaurin
100 % on the fog! Thank you for the input on this film. 🎉
Narcissists are very good at making you feel in a word uncomfortable
It s a power trip. My Mom used to say u never have them. In a sense they don’t care about u as a person.
Hard gaslighting makes you feel like your head is spinning. She hurt many people in the process of her narc., what a liar…
Thank you for the detailed trigger warning! ❤
I suspected I was going to have to “prepare” for the emotional exhaustion, when I watch it, but now I will be ready 😊
She’s like look into my 👀’s stop looking at my👂’s
😂
💀😂
You nailed it. It is SO DISORIENTING. I lived it with my ex for 11 years. Five years out from that and I am still trying to figure out. And I only recently realized I grew up with a dad who treated us kids and my mom like that. It is CRAZY-MAKING.
I was with my ex (father of my two children) for 14 years and am also about 5 years out, and unpacking that it started with my own family of origin is still a daily struggle. Crazy-making mindf&$k for sure. My heart goes out to you 💜
@CursedInColoradoThat is why you didn’t know. Crazy was normalized, so you couldn’t see that it wasn’t healthy.
@gilliangobin7864100%%!! Spot on. I’m now 5 years out and still unpacking what narssastic people do to one’s self. I wish you both the very best on this journey. We are still here, still standing and continuing to do the work inside ourselves 👏 now that my friends is what I call a warrior 💪🏼
that’s because they are crazy!! they don’t make sense!
To keep this short my narc of 30 years who has been getting worse I have started seeing facial expressions on his face that were the same ones my Father made to me as a kid and my Mother, who he discarded and now so much is making sense and it is really so aweful we let them manipulate us….and they will stay forever in our mental being. I am trying to escape to.
Looks like a great horror film just in time for Halloween. 😂🎃
😱😱😱💀💀💀
Empathy certainly can be used against us, which is why having discernment is key 🔑
Boundaries, too.
Great comment, the discernment part really helped me, so thank you. I thought empathy was the key to finally getting my narcissistic & OCPD mother to understand me for so long. It’s freeing to not have to use it on her anymore unless I decide to. I also like not feeling like I’m being compelled into all these actions, like empathy, people pleasing or caretaking, out of shame or an assumed shared morality everyone has (the OCPD part) that she taught me as a kid. I had to learn that there are multiple ways to live life and none are the “right” way, they just are ways to live. Life’s much more shades of gray than the black and white thinking i was raised with. I do have immense empathy though, which helps people I love, so some beauty came from the pain. (Empathy is learned from pain I believe – I think I’m paraphrasing the exact wording though from the research)
@AngelBulldog5 The best thing I learned about boundaries that made me happier in life was that I didn’t have to announce them because 1.) you can’t control people, so your boundary is about the actions you’ll take if someone crosses a line you’ve decided to draw. I think there is research that shows that people don’t follow boundaries other people attempt to give to them too. 2.) announcing boundaries just gives narcissistic people fuel to argue 3.) the hurt daughter of a narcissist that still lives inside me can see me successfully protecting myself, anticipating my mom’s behavior (brought me peace), and navigating my relationship with her instead of being controlled by it, so I’ve gained confidence in me again. I’m so grateful to what Dr. Ramani puts out into the world to help people who live this, she said education was the solution in a video of hers, and she was so right. 🙂
Thank you. I have empathy but I need discernment and boundaries.
@P.Rose_frmchrchst 100% my comment was how I achieved those things you list, sorry it wasn’t clear. Totally in support of your goals there!
She probably doesn’t even realize how akward and freaky her stare is…
she knows
It is disturbing 😳
Beyond creepy within 2 seconds
the “eyes” often tell…
@jobudoherty she totally knows. She absolutely leans into the creepy-ness knowing it makes the other person uncomfortable & people will do a lot to return to feeling comfortable. That is the power move of the scammer/narc.
Disoriented…Unbalanced …Confused! You nailed it, Thank you Dr!
The reason Holmes and her Husband would be willing to have an investigative reporter – film maker in their home / midst for 34 days is that they are BOTH Patholoigical and likely over confident in their abilities to bend others to their will. She is Scary – He is Creepy – – Pity the children of Narcissists .
Pity the children who have two parents who are narcissists. One is survivable; two is a nightmare. I speak from experience—unless you have considerable inner resources as a child and adult, the combination can destroy you.
💯
@dragonwitch27yep. Two narc parents made childhood a challenge.😂❤
The more I see my therapist and talk to her about my family, the more she tells me that my sister and I don’t fit the narrative of children raised by two toxic parents with significant narcissistic traits, especially given our level of empathy. She believes the parentification imposed onto me actually saved us. I didn’t quite believe her until my sister’s therapist gave her a similar assessment of our family dynamics.
@nrdgmr9644 not everyone who has a matching set of narcissists ends up narcissistic or a basket case. I don’t put too much stock in therapist evaluations, because if you haven’t lived that reality, you’re generally clueless, and their opinions are shaped by the patients they’ve had before you.
It’s cognitive dissonance, where two things are true at the same time. The narcissist knows that they’re lying, but at the same time they actually “believe” their own lies. It’s not clear where they begin and end, and we are genuinely confused. Chaos is the desired results, not winning an argument or proving scientific breakthroughs.
Narcissistic people dont deal in truth and lie…its what they want. Thats why its hard to understand…
You just helped me figure out why my fiance is my narcissistic and OCPD mother’s kryptonite. He is a confirmed genius while my mom is probably about average intelligence I’d say but allergic to learning except through work stuff, his work in life all deal in logic and deep research, and he is patient and calm. She has tried to triangulate him from day one, and he has not responded in a way she that allow for it once. Her go to is “agree to disagree” when someone brings up facts that dispute her authority over the system’s narrative, because as you said that’s not the goal. It’s chaos. She kept her system in chaos, because I think she feels in chaos/dysregulation, and dysregulation in other people makes her feel more regulated? No wonder I never found the right words, chaos was her goal, not reconciliation with me. Never really thought that ‘out loud’ before though as i read it it’s obvious to me in retrospect. Anyway, thanks for the clarity you brought me from your comment. She wants chaos, my fiance begets peace so she is the one put off balance by him instead of the other way around.
@cozylaur For a long time, I thought narcissism was a “superiority” problem, they opposed every idea, and that they made themselves feel better when the other person felt worse. But, when I argued back, logic never worked 😮 and the conversation always devolved into personal attacks. Nothing was ever resolved, and reconciliation was never achieved. I felt like I was banging my head against a brick wall, beating myself up and thinking I was the problem. Then, the lightbulb went off. They never intended to solve anything. Their whole goal was not to win the argument, but to create confusion and resentment to the point that I was frustrated and gave up trying. They win! Destabilize the opponent until they forfeit and never have to throw a single punch, solidifying their claims of being the victim. It’s saddistic.
@Cathy-r2o2zbeautifully said and I felt echoes of your pain. I’ve said the brick wall thing many times myself when describing it too. You formalizing it for me though is super helpful so thank you for taking the time to elaborate. Less chaos in my memories because of that already. 😸
If you are unsure whether it’s lies or truth; trust me, it’s lies!
That’s not right. The victim often seems like the liar. Nobody believes me, and he is Slick Rick pulling marionette strings. That judge must have felt like an idiot when he had to reverse his decision after my ex-husband assaulted me with a gun. And if he were in front of you right now, you would probably believe him also. He’s the BMOC and you would buy into his narrative. He’s doing great because his nervous system isn’t wrecked. Meanwhile, he’s a Jeff Epstein type. He’s covert, and he and my kid now DARVO me together.
I don’t think that is always true because for those of us coming out of Narcissistic abuse, it might take us a while to know if a new person in our life is being honest or not – because we have been so used to manipulation. So we might think that someone in the future is lying to us, but we just have to get used to new situations. We have been scarred so while we have to be on guard, it will take us awhile to be able to trust another person. We have to be cautious but not assuming that everyone is the same as our past experience(s)!
She has him hypnotized. Scary AF!
I learned that some Narcissists are really good at playing people in their lives like chess pieces.. they are good at placing everyone in certain positions not just in their life but each other’s. He never wanted me to get close to his family, they seemed nice but always kept me at arms length… I learned when the relationship ended …. how many crazy lies that he told about me.
Yep. That is what they do. 🎉
These narcissists are truly evil. The sad part is, especially at the beginning when they are love- bombing you, they are hypnotic.
Dr . Ramni nailed it as always! She help save my life and she doesn’t even know me. Because of her i realized I was in a narcissistic relationship and had been narcissistically manipulated and abused my whole life. I’ve been free 5 years. I left my home my cars everything. To living in low income apartments. I am so grateful I’m still alive Because if I hadn’t of left I would not be. ❤❤❤❤
SAME!!! I was eventually able to predict his behaviour. It was textbook.
I went no contact with my mom 5 years ago and got out of a narcissistic romantic relationship over 3 years ago, I’m in a 2 bed with my kids but everyday I wake up so grateful for the strength I have every morning and the space that me and my kids can freely take up by being ourselves, there is no longer any eggshells in our home to tread on! ❤
That fog itself is your warning sign. At that point, it no longer matters which pieces were lie or truth. The bigger picture is designed to deceive and ensnare you. And your job is to get out.
Well said. 🎉
Thanks for summing it up so precisely!!! This isn’t a head scratcher at all — this is a sociopath hoodwinking empathetic humans. Nuff said.
Exactly
The feeling of the uncanny valley, while looking at someone you know is literally a person. 😬
Her eyes are so unsettling.
Psychopathic stare & smile are all I see
Duper’s delight much?
The title is apt 😂
When I feel that fog coming on it tells me everything I need to know
When I feel off I trust my gut now. I’ve been through enough narcissistic relationships, that I don’t question what my body is telling me.