How to Prevent Another Narcissistic Relationship
Can you really prevent yourself from ending up in another narcissistic relationship?
It’s one of the biggest questions people ask after they finally understand narcissism — and the answer is not as simple as “just know what to look for.”
If you’ve ever wondered how to better protect yourself, trust yourself sooner, and avoid getting pulled into the same painful patterns again, this is a conversation you do not want to miss.
And if you want to go even deeper, join Dr. Ramani for this month’s Healing Program workshop:
The Helplessness That We Experience When There Is No Prevention or Protection
September 6 at 9am PT
Don’t miss out — use code SEP50 at checkout for 50% off.
I’ve found that as long as you have a wound or a need that is unmet, you’re always going to be vulnerable to manipulation. It’s also difficult to not want connection as it’s a very human need. That’s always been my downfall from my own experiences with narcissists.
I think you made an interesting point on the halo effect too, we see that others like them or they hold a position of authority, and we assume they must be a good person.
I was raised by a malignant Psychopathic narcissistic mother and a very scary helpful flying monkey monster dad. Married a Grandiose narcissist man. Many many narcissistic friends. It is a life long healing journey for me.
@octupus_on_the_roof that sounds so awful, I’m really sorry that you had to go through that 😔 an experience that must have had a massive impact on your life and an experience you never deserved to go through. There’s a different kind of heartbreak when you realise your parent is toxic and won’t ever change. It takes immense strength to survive that and not turn out to be just like them ❤
WHO doesn’t have wound or needs? It’s all just about protecting ourselves, never doubting our feelings and loving 🥰 ourselves!
No more relationships for me. My narcissistic ex did me in. She was such an amazing actress that now I can’t even trust what I see or hear.
This is true for me, too. Trust. Just can’t do it anymore.
@prideofjudah5767our exes have done some serious damage. We are only supposed to stop trusting the person. Yet she has done so much I trust nobody anymore. And that is sad. We pay the price and they move on like we never existed. They find a new supply and a new life.
I’m in the same boat. My ex-wife was very successful in her love-bombing. Who’s to say a future woman won’t be too? 🚫
Can relate 💕
Human beings are social creatures. Most narcissists are social, right?
I hope y’all meet kind, compassionate people.
Dr. Ramani, you look very pretty.
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What I noticed, is that these people give away clues, it gives me an overall picture of their character, I just need some time, and that’s when I know I don’t care for them anymore. Abusive, lack of responsibility, empathy and conscious, manipulative as well, forget it, I don’t want to go through that again, better off by myself.
You look beautiful, Dr. Ramani! (Just an observation!) 🙂
A part of me was noticing that too!
despite the culture shift away from pointing out people’s appearance, narcissists ALWAYS focus on how people look over what they say. they can’t even help it, due to their inability to empathize and listen to others. additionally, white women wield compliments like weapons against nonwhite women: “i’m going to compliment this brown woman to signal that im not racist, so i can feel better about the covert racism i commit in my daily life with a smile on my face because i’m ‘nice.'” often people who pathologically compliment other’s appearances are either hugely insecure with themselves or wielding a compliment as a weapon (like regina george in mean girls. to the girl’s face: “omg i love your skirt” behind her back “that is the ugliest f-ing skirt i’ve ever seen.”) there is a difference between nice and kind. compliments are “nice” but they are not kind and often not welcome if you dont actually know the person. learn boundaries, listen to what people say and respond to their actual points. we need depth, not shallowness.
@anju8376It is possible to listen to someone AND notice they look good. Yes, some people are dishonest and narcissistic creepers, but not all people are malignant monsters with hidden agendas, either. Caution is healthy as long as it doesn’t become rigid prejudice. Not all interactions carry racist undertones, either. Some folks simply speak human to human. Can you always tell which is which? No, there is a margin of uncertainty. But by the same token, assuming worst case scenarios and evil intent in absolutely all situations is also unhelpful. Ok … as a mixed race woman myself (call me beige…), I’ll just take the liberty to state that, while I attentively value the content of what Dr. Ramani is saying, she does also, indeed, look vibrant in this video.
Somewhere down the road your going to be the crazy ex. That’s exactly the stage the relationship is in although not separated. I entered without knowledge of narcissism, I certainly will exit with total certainty.
I think YES we can avoid it. We must fully love ourselves and know it takes time to know someone. Take it slow, pay attention, be alert and be ready to walk if negative behaviors begin to show. Use discernment period and trust your gut!
No more saving anyone but yourself! ❤
☝️
Trust your gut, trust your gut, trust your gut.
@Susanaism💯
I recently was able to sidestep a potential narcissistic “friendship” because of Dr. Raman’s advice. The sooner you heed the red flags, the smoother the exit.
💯
Absolutely!!!! 👏👏👏👏
Atleast now I won’t ignore red flags like I did in my 20s.
Me too. I ignored or excused red flags & loud flashing red sirens. All through my childhood, adolescences, parenthood, career, even neighbors, & my very own children. At the end of the day, I am A-Okay :)! I went completely no contact with those who are terminally hopeless. I do not answer calls from unknown numbers. I do not even speak with the flying monkeys. Tricky because one is the mother of one of my grandchildren. I keep it a quick text. No convo. Well, we survivors can take solace that we may be by ourselves but not alone. WE GOT THIS!
Took me far too long to work out, but if more often than not you feel like you’re going round the bend in a given relationship, good chance it’s not you.
For me, what really helps is honoring how I feel, early on. I used to “lose myself” trying to get to know the other person, and disregard my own emotions; now I ask “how did this comment make me feel?”; if I feel shamed or belittled, I give myself permission to step away. Your body will warn you, too, like abdominal pain or tingling sensations. I used to dismiss my own body’s reactions- not anymore!!😊
“Got really good at enduring bad relationships with others” in order ”to stay connected” . . . “a pre-verbal loss of safety”. Yes, Dr. Ramani.
Don’t ignore the red flags. Don’t ignore your intuition. That is built into us for a reason. Trust yourselves. Don’t make compromises on things that don’t feel right to you. Remember that being alone is ALWAYS better than having the company of a monster. Continue fulfilling yourself in other ways where you are a complete person and do not need to hold space for any person who does not add value to your life.
Now, this is really crazy. But I realized a sales person was manipulating me. And, I wouldn’t have realized that before! Within 45 minutes, he was saying how he wanted to “protect me” from other less scrupulous vendors. He put his hands on my hands as he said this. In retrospect I was being love-bombed within a sales presentation!!!! I excused my Narc’s behavior because he was Latino….so it was interesting that this guy was Italian. Another culture where I would have excused inappropriate behavior, (the hand touching.). Long story short, I recognized a dismissiveness about what I wanted, with him saying “why do that?”. So, I knew it would be downhill from there. It wasn’t a romantic encounter, but the manipulation was identifiable to me in a way I would have considered as having my best interests at heart. (In the past.)
There is no way. Maybe you avoid a romantic entanglement with one, but they’re surely gonna show up in some other area of your life. We are in shark infested waters. Never relax.
I just observe. Their actions, the mismatch between what they say and what they do, and if I feel confused and edgy around them.
For decades I joked that I was “addicted” to my husband (now my ex). I now understand that was true. I married a second time and made the same mistake. Now I am free and healed after years of work. I keep the addiction analogy in mind. An alcoholic can’t take a sip. I can’t pick a man. End of story.
I saw the red flags, i got out before we got married. So, yeah it helps. But still hurts that i genually cared for him
I very smugly thought I had gotten rid of all the narcissists in my life when I broke up with my ex and went no-contact with my family many years ago. I thought, ‘Why can’t people just leave like I did?’. Then I bought a home, and narcissists moved in right next door. Then I got a new job, and there were narcissists there too. You cannot ‘prevent’ them from being around you whatsoever, not even if you live as a hermit because then a narcissist might become the president of your country or take a leadership role in the city/county you live in. You can mitigate the damage by recognizing what they are and setting up boundaries to protect yourself. Then document everything weird that happens. Then just live your life knowing you’ve done ENOUGH.