Why Narcissists WANT You to Think They’re Misunderstood
Narcissists love to claim that no one really “gets” them—but what’s really going on when they say that? Is it genuine vulnerability, or just another way to shift blame and play the victim? In this video, Dr. Ramani unpacks why the misunderstood act is one of the narcissist’s favorite strategies, and what it means for you if you’re caught in the cycle.
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
GREAT TEACHING!!!!!
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!🙏🏽☮️✌️
🤣 exbf actually tried to tell me hed taken out the trash but it was still sitting there…
Yeah. “Well I did take it out 3 weeks ago!”
He said he doesn’t won’t a realionship ,but if they don’t care,how can they be in a recopicate relationship anyway.
No room for 2 people in a narrassists realionship.Its says everything they care about themselves.Thank you for the knowledge.❤
Yea. Especially when they get caught 😳 😅
My mom’s battle cry is “I am what I am” and she is not exceptional, charismatic, or fun to be with.
OMG, I learned how to hear the footsteps of my narcissist boss to know he was in the office, my head would snap when he walked by…
Thankyou Dr Ramani. I have just a few days ago had a family member let me believe their partner who was rushed to hospital a couple of weeks ago, had been back home and ok after only a night or two in hospital. When I recently asked him to follow up on some aspects of caring for our elderly and frail (physically and cognitively) parent that he had unilaterally implemented, I was told that it’s obviously too much for me to cope with as, he had to organise all sorts of medical equipment at home for his partner, who had apparently been in hospital for two weeks, without my knowledge, so she could survive at home alone, whilst going he to work, and contending with all the usual day to day stuff of life. I have been with my elderly parent 24/7 for two years. He has not spent one night here to give me any respite. He expects me to understand (read his mind) how difficult it is for him caring for his partner, the severity of who’s health issues were kept from me, yet says it’s too much for me to follow up on to sort out his actions that resulted in the potential withdrawal of some government funded assistance to our parent. His inability to cope is now my inability to cope. Once seen it cannot be unseen.
❤
2:30 just last night, my narcissistic spouse, said “you will never know suffering like I’ve suffered“…
You know you’ve reached radical acceptance when you can smile on the inside at that comment and just go about your life
Touché ❤
They are also the best even at suffering and embarrassing themselves.
They seem to have a special radar. I was doing so well – healthy eating, exercise, good sleep – and then two emails, a week apart sent me down the rabbit hole. My sister is in a nursing home and may or may not have cancer. One week I get the email that says my health is deteriorating but not at a rapid rate. I responded “Sorry to hear that, if there is anything I can send you please let me know.” The next week’s email – “I am in remission and off my meds.” I know she is jerking me around, I know she is trying to figure out how she can manipulate me into asking her to move in with me (we live in different states), I know this will continue until one of us are in our grave. On some days it seems like a toss up as to who that will be. If it was not for Dr. Ramani I would now be in the loonie bin. Thank you for speaking the truth. You are truly the light in a very dark place.
Block her phone number, block or mute her email address as well and any other port of entrance that she might use in the future. You cannot change her but you can prepare yourself and handle her shenanigans differently this time around. Of course she’s attempting to manipulate you and wear you out so much that you give in. You do realize it!!! So be tenacious, wise and resist! And block her and mute her as much as possible. You don’t have to take her phone calls, you don’t have to respond to her messages of any kind!!! Just stop! Don’t fall for the bait. She is so obviously baiting you, she is trying to feel out how naive you are to her true nature. Stand your ground!!! You don’t owe her to open your doors to her !!!! Stop responding to her. And don’t fall for her fake pity stories. That’s why blocking is best method, or else you might fall for her emotional tricks. Cheap, lousy tricks, but they been working on you. Also, try to read the book (online, on pdf) by Scott Peck – People of Lie. It deals with people of this very pathology that your wicked sister has.
Strength and wisdom to you to fight the flood fight and keep this demon away from you
Good fight *
A covert narcissist’s sadness is an imitation of human emotion, masking a hollow core. It is genuine but not real; it’s a mechanical void not human grief. They weaponize being ‘misunderstood’ because your empathy is their port of entry. Their ultimate goal is energetic entrainment: using your compassion to offload their own suppressed terror and shame into your nervous system. The confusion you feel is simply their introject taking root. We don’t need to hate or pity them; we just need to respect their nature as a parasite seeking a host. True self-preservation means staying anchored in your own body. If an interaction leaves you unsettled, retreat into silence. Your somatic intuition will always warn you when you are being consumed.
Thank you.
A nervous system has to distort and acclimate to their NPD.
A developed functioning nervous system goes into shock attempting to compensate and acclimate to malicious narcissistic behavior.
The nervous system cannot establish a stable bio-rhythmic pattern [acclimate] to something [NPD] that is consistently objectifying.
It’s a slow symbiotic pathologizing of others. You are the antagonist to their protagonist narrative.
It’s a form of symbiotic parasitism.
👌‼️so well described!
This 100%. My MIL is a covert narc. It took me a while to realize her tales of woe actually made no sense and were usually word salads. Like she’s a victim of everyday life. Now I just nod along and let her wear herself out like a toddler.
You. Can’t. Win.💯
You can❤!!!!! Walk away.
If only I could have read her mind at the BEGINNING of the relationship, I could have avoided this whole disaster. ☄️
Some people are. Some autistic people deal with this. Overlapping presentations exist. Confusing Autism, sensory issues, PTSD, ADHD and narcissistic traits happens. Intentions are the difference . That’s why many work through until they find out if it is on purpose
The online covert ones working behind the scenes, salting the earth about reputations too. I have switched up into 3 different communities online (because online is my only freedom from my irl covert narc abuse marriage). I JUST realized my body response to the gaslighting of me being crazy, has been keeping me safe from the online stalkers attempts to harm me. They manage to harm me in the eyes of others, but I stay safely out of their abuse for the most part… but isolated…that right there is enough in a court to prove my innocence, but who has the time to set everyone they lied to about me online straight?
Historically, some scientific disciplines [e.g., psych] have difficulty accepting and utilizing new theories and paradigms.
Some in the field of psychology, clinicians/practitioners cannot accept that their field of practice does not have a solution for a human psychological condition [the pathological narcissist].
Some scoff and sigh at current narcissist abuse recovery norms and practices; most likely because they lack the lived experiential data that a survivors experience brings.
Two analogous examples:
A. A political figure talking about the horrors of combat; yet they have never suffered the pink noise of an ordinate detonation,
B. The shackled prisoners in Plato’s cave whose only lived experience is the shadows on the wall.
Respectfully, and sincerely.
Best. 💙
She wrote the misunderstood thing a lot. I tried to explain in many different ways. Just looked back over it again. Shared safety ideas during the pandemic. She even asked me to “explain how”. I would’ve stopped at the first question. There was the mean-spirited malevolent twist on much of what I said. I shared my grief on how things switched with us during a difficult time. Grief about aunt I was close to passing and something else. Some of the ideas I mentioned were abnormal. Like that quote from Viktor Frankl, it was an abnormal time. I had thought about if I should ask her beforehand. I thought that if something bad happens and I didn’t mention anything, I would’ve felt responsible. I did think that maybe it would ruin our relationship and I also thought if it did, maybe it should.
Thank you Dr. Ramani. What you say in this video of a narcissist is true. Of the long term narcissist really. It is like you said they are a ‘career’ narcissist. This is selfish of them. A person like this whom operates in their sense of entitlement and expects you to walk on eggshells to please them is the worst. I once was in a relationship like this.
This really makes you think about how some people avoid taking responsibility for their actions by always playing the victim. I can admit that I made mistakes in my past relationship too. I sometimes failed to understand my ex-boyfriend’s feelings and focused too much on my own emotions. Eventually, he got tired of everything and walked away. Losing him taught me that admitting your mistakes is important if you ever want to grow and become a better person.
Letting go of someone you truly love is never easy. I experienced this first hand when my 8-year marriage fell apart. I wasn’t ready to lose him, so I tried everything I could to rebuild our relationship. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counselor for guidance, and with his help, I was able to reconnect with my husband and get our marriage back on track.
Wow, how can I get in touch with your spiritual counselor? I’d really like to learn more about the guidance he offers.
His name is Father Obah Eze, and he helps people restore broken relationships and marriages. He played an important role in helping me reconnect with my ex, and I’m sincerely thankful for his support. I truly appreciate everything he has done for me.
I’ll look up Father Obah Eze and see what he’s all about. Thanks for sharing his information with me!
This was the powerplay of #RussellBrand “Ive ‘ad a tough life, I was an addict, nobody understands… Im so misunderstood” etc
Bars now …..toot Toot!
“Only then would they believe they are understood.” DAMN STRAIGHT!